Solemn Day

"Where were you when the world stopped turning, that September day?"
~~Alan Jackson, country artist in his song written immediately following the attacks of 9/11.

Where were you? I will never forget where I was, what I was doing, what I was feeling. It is forever ingrained in my mind. I felt as if the bottom had fallen out of my world.

The weekend before 9/11 Henry and I had spent the night in New York City as a late anniversary gift to each other. A band we loved was playing at BB King's Blues Club. I had never been to the city and although he hates big cities, Henry was willing to take me and show me around the Big Apple. We toured Times Square, took in a show, loved walking around and people watching. Spent some time buying cheap souvenirs. We spent one night and came home, as I couldn't stand to be away from Matthew for more than that. We arrived home Sunday afternoon. September 9th.

Two days later the unthinkable happened. Henry has vowed never to go to NYC again. I can't say as I blame him, we still talk about what would have happened had we gone a couple days later. Our back up reservation was at the Marriott in the World Trade Center. Heart stopping.

Fast forward 2 days to 9/11. I was working in a surgeons office in Hartford, adjacent to the hospital. We had been seeing patients for less than an hour when one of the doctors came in and said that some "idiot had hit the WTC with a plane" and was shaking his head. In my mind I pictured a little private 2 seater or something. Then we got word of a second plane and new we were under attack. Our office had no TV's, only radios, so the office staff listened as much as they could. I was unable to listen, as the surgeon I worked with had a full day of appointments, and I had to work. I will admit, not many of our patients showed up that day, and I can't say I blamed them. We were getting odd snippets of info from the few patients that did come in. A lot of it misconstrued. We were told that the Sear's Tower was also hit, that the capitol had been hit, the Washing Memorial, the list goes on. I must have called home 5 dozen times throughout the day. I called my Mom in Oklahoma to tell her I loved her. I begged my husband not to go on his morning walk with Matthew (part of their daily routine), worried that something would happen. Matthew had just turned 8 months old and all I wanted to do was go home and hold him. By noon, all surgeries at our hospital at been cancelled to keep the OR open for any victims that could catch a train up from NYC as this is what NYC had asked us to do due to our proximity (less than 90 miles). So, all 11 of our surgeons were in the office that day. One was praying his sister-in-law was ok, as she worked in 1 WTC (for the FIRST time in her life she was running late to work that day and was spared due to this). I was a nervous wreck and just wanted to go home. After lunch, we were told that an office building near us was evacuating. Simply because it was the tallest skyscraper in the city and they didn't want to take any chances. Not very comforting. I was such a bundle of nerves by the time we saw our last patient that I drove home as quickly as I could.

When I got home I grabbed Matthew up in a tight hug and didn't let go for the rest of the evening. I kept him near me even after he fell asleep. I couldn't bear to have him out of my sight for mere moments. We had the news channels on non-stop, staring at the TV in disbelief. I couldn't keep the tears at bay. I went to bed that night only once I had Matthew tucked into his crib~moved into our room. He stayed in our room for 2 more months after that too. I just couldn't have him in his own room in case something happened. Over sensitive, yes, but I always have been. And if it made me feel more secure to have the whole family sleeping in the same room, so be it.

I will never forget the events of that day, and I am sure no other American's will either. This anniversary is harder to deal with and I am unsure why. The media coverage is extensive as always, but I can't watch it this year, without tearing up. Will our world remain safe enough that our children will be able to raise their own children? I pray the answer is yes, and I say that pray nightly. Still to this day I cannot go to bed without first going into Matthew's room and giving him one last kiss and telling him I love him. Most nights, this happens 3-4 times after he goes to bed. Will I ever feel secure enough to go to bed without worrying what may happen during the night? Lord, I hope so.

God bless the victims of 9/11 and their friends and family. God bless the rest of America that we may once again know peace.