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Well, the battle continues and Matthew still won't clean his room. He has declared that he wants new parents, so I guess he is now shopping for a better (i.e. nicer) set, so if you know anyone looking for a very cute but seriously obstinant and stubborn five year old boy, let me know. Maybe we can make a trade. I might like to take a try at parenting a calm, sweet little girl...perhaps around a year old would be nice. Just saying.
So, let's see. This is where the battle stands: His TV/cable is disconnected. His DVD/VCR player is out of his room. I took all his DVD's and VCR tapes away. I took his VSMILE video game system away (took the power adaptor so it wouldn't work) and took the games away. And yes, before you can even say it: HE IS TOO SPOILED. We are working on it. I think when I found out I couldn't have anymore I took it to the extreme in making sure he had everything he could ever want, and everything I didn't have (which is ridiculous because I had WAY more than a lot of children ever dreamed of!)
The game plan: He knows (we told him over and over today) that while he is at school tomorrow that because he didn't clean it on his own we would clean it for him. He thought that was awesome until I informed him that his toys wouldn't be here when he got home. I am packing up his stuff and putting it in an extra storage space in the basement. Geotrax-gone. Little people-gone. Lincoln Logs-gone. Mega blocks-gone. Any of the toys that can't fit into the toy cabinet-gone. The toy cabinet has a lock-made sure to locate the key tonight and it will remain locked. I am sorry, but this child needs to learn that he has the nice things he has because it is a privilige, not a given. He must care for his things, or they will be gone.
The terms: If he keeps his room clean for 7 days, he may choose ONE item (mega blocks or geotrax, etc) to come back. And every 3 days after that one more item. If he doesn't clean his room before he goes to bed, he will be so upset when he wakes up because the item he chose last will be gone by morning (he is such a sound sleeper that I will be able to go in and bundle up the item to be confiscated!).
Permanent changes: The TV in his room is going to remain disconnected from cable. The cartoon network has become his fav channel and frankly the cartoons on this channel are WAY too violent. The Grimm Adventures of Billy and Mandy? Seriously, these two kids spend there time playing with the Grim Reaper. I don't think so. Way too much crap. His TV will be for DVD/VCR movies and VSMILE (educational video games). He is going to be much more limited as to his TV and it is going to be a hard adjustment I am sure. FOR US ALL, but it is for the best. We should never have let it get to this point to begin with, and I feel like a bad parent, but it's never to late, right? Right? God, I hope so! My mom is probably reading this saying THIS is what she was talking about last year when we visited....Mom you were SO right, and I knew it then, but I guess I took the easy way out and let him continue on the way he was. Now we are all suffering, mostly him as you are right: CHILDREN WANT TO BE PARENTED. They want to be punished when they are wrong, it lets them know they are loved. Do they know they want this? Of course not! Thanks mom, sorry it took so long to listen. Love you.
So, pray for us as we go through the next few weeks. They are going to be rough, but it is for the entire family's own good. And we will be a better family for it, I just know it. We just have to take it one day at a time. What is such a mind boggling thing is that he is an absolute angel at school: picks up toys, behaves, obeys, plays nicely. And is the opposite at home. But, I have been reminded that it is better it is this way than reversed: If he behaved at home and was a devil at SCHOOL it would be much worse. Ok, off to bed...going to be a long day of confiscating toys tomorrow. Wish me luck.
So, let's see. This is where the battle stands: His TV/cable is disconnected. His DVD/VCR player is out of his room. I took all his DVD's and VCR tapes away. I took his VSMILE video game system away (took the power adaptor so it wouldn't work) and took the games away. And yes, before you can even say it: HE IS TOO SPOILED. We are working on it. I think when I found out I couldn't have anymore I took it to the extreme in making sure he had everything he could ever want, and everything I didn't have (which is ridiculous because I had WAY more than a lot of children ever dreamed of!)
The game plan: He knows (we told him over and over today) that while he is at school tomorrow that because he didn't clean it on his own we would clean it for him. He thought that was awesome until I informed him that his toys wouldn't be here when he got home. I am packing up his stuff and putting it in an extra storage space in the basement. Geotrax-gone. Little people-gone. Lincoln Logs-gone. Mega blocks-gone. Any of the toys that can't fit into the toy cabinet-gone. The toy cabinet has a lock-made sure to locate the key tonight and it will remain locked. I am sorry, but this child needs to learn that he has the nice things he has because it is a privilige, not a given. He must care for his things, or they will be gone.
The terms: If he keeps his room clean for 7 days, he may choose ONE item (mega blocks or geotrax, etc) to come back. And every 3 days after that one more item. If he doesn't clean his room before he goes to bed, he will be so upset when he wakes up because the item he chose last will be gone by morning (he is such a sound sleeper that I will be able to go in and bundle up the item to be confiscated!).
Permanent changes: The TV in his room is going to remain disconnected from cable. The cartoon network has become his fav channel and frankly the cartoons on this channel are WAY too violent. The Grimm Adventures of Billy and Mandy? Seriously, these two kids spend there time playing with the Grim Reaper. I don't think so. Way too much crap. His TV will be for DVD/VCR movies and VSMILE (educational video games). He is going to be much more limited as to his TV and it is going to be a hard adjustment I am sure. FOR US ALL, but it is for the best. We should never have let it get to this point to begin with, and I feel like a bad parent, but it's never to late, right? Right? God, I hope so! My mom is probably reading this saying THIS is what she was talking about last year when we visited....Mom you were SO right, and I knew it then, but I guess I took the easy way out and let him continue on the way he was. Now we are all suffering, mostly him as you are right: CHILDREN WANT TO BE PARENTED. They want to be punished when they are wrong, it lets them know they are loved. Do they know they want this? Of course not! Thanks mom, sorry it took so long to listen. Love you.
So, pray for us as we go through the next few weeks. They are going to be rough, but it is for the entire family's own good. And we will be a better family for it, I just know it. We just have to take it one day at a time. What is such a mind boggling thing is that he is an absolute angel at school: picks up toys, behaves, obeys, plays nicely. And is the opposite at home. But, I have been reminded that it is better it is this way than reversed: If he behaved at home and was a devil at SCHOOL it would be much worse. Ok, off to bed...going to be a long day of confiscating toys tomorrow. Wish me luck.
posted by MommyOutOfControl at 5/04/2006
7 Comments:
Sounds like you have a good game plan and lots of resolve. Good luck over the next few weeks with the adjustments. It sounds to me like you're on the right track.
Your plan sounds like a good one to me. Good luck with the boy.
Stick to it!! and know you are right!! You're heading the right direction no matter the obstacles you encounter.
Wishing you loads of luck and patience. You just might need that combo!
You are an awesome parent! I think that kids need something dramatic to learn their lesson. It took my little dude breaking my nose to stop head butting. This is something that your little guy will always remember, and someday laugh about! Keep it up and don't give in!
You are right, it is never too late.
I know it's hard but your plan sounds like a good one. I'd be surprised if he didn't clean up his room before you got the chance...
Great site lots of usefull infomation here.
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